transformation

Made it back to Chicago yesterday for my picc line placement and prep for the final phase of this transplant. After a quick breakfast this morning I checked in at 7:30 am.

We were 4th to arrive, which happens to be the month I was born, and my husband’s lucky number. When the nurses mapped out my coming week, I let them know my Day 0 (aka my stem cell birthday) is 7 Days after my daughter’s 7th birthday.

So, despite the superstition around Friday the 13th, I’m quite confident that this is all happening at exactly the right time in my life. Even though insurance isn’t covering this and I have a lot of debt to repay…

Never have I been so grounded in my practice of mindfulness. As it is an intentional practice on the daily, it is one that I choose to nurture and make time for in order to attune, reflect, and dig deeper. Even when I’m prepping for a triple lumen picc line.

Never have I been so reminded of how loved and supported I am… this past Monday evening’s splendor was such a wonderful night to share good energy, hugs, smiles, laughter, and great music with my friends and family. Truly, an evening I will never forget. And not just because my favorite musicians played (have a listen by linking through their names below-you’ll thank yourself),

Preston Bell Charles, III

Daniel Wayne

Billy Alletzhauser and Beth Harris of The Hiders

or that my beloved cousin flew in from DC to surprise me,

or that my amazing friend hustled to deliver us hot Goodfellas on the hour,

or that my sister flew in from Mississippi to help me pull off Adelaide’s birthday party and the fundraiser,

or that strangers turned up to support me;

rather, that I am overflowing with so much positive energy that I am able to surrender with ease to all that is happening in the coming weeks. To convince my veins to stop jumping and allow the picc line placement in just 30 minutes.

To make it through the first dose of chemo (cytoxan) with minimal side effects.

Still waiting to see how the next dose of chemo (rATG) will affect me, as it will run into the night…

To pass the time during the drip, and after listening to my mentor Peter Block talk about his first book and his journey, I was refreshed with so much love and gratitude for our community of practice that we like to call A Small Group, or ASG. I was also reminded of the importance of building community, and service to the collective good; of taking ownership of my contributions to my own healing and to the world; of showing up as authentic self, more often; that this procedure evokes a potential transformation from dis-ease to ease, from dis-ability to ability. Quite the possibility!!

The transformation will take time, effort, and toil beyond the next two weeks in the hospital. This could be a great time to grieve the life of dis-ability that I’ve come to know so well over the past few years. When this transplant works, there will be tremendous shifts that I will need to make time for. Physically and mentally. Through Reflection, Curiosity, Patience, Kindness, Dreaming, Wellness, Tenacity, Humility, Awareness, Sunshine, Fortitude, Genuine connection, Transition.

Good intentions.

be kind. be the change. be well.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Bonnie says:

    So thankful today went well. We had a great day keeping your beautiful daughter busy. We thought of you and Andy and took pics so you could share in her adventure. You two are doing a great job raising her. Love you. Sleep well. It is going to be great in your future.

    Like

  2. Eileen Stansbury says:

    To my brave girl-gentle hugs and tons of love. Holding down the “fort” here at home so you have as seamless a return to normalcy as possible! You go girl 🙂

    Like

  3. Aileen Taylor says:

    Favorite words of this blog: Kindness, Fortitude, Sunshine and Tenacity! 🙂

    Like

  4. You are in our thoughts and prayers for a successful transplant!

    Like

  5. littlelot says:

    Thank you for sharing this journey with all of us . I love to see Peter Block and ASG mentioned as well. Mindfulness, community and the perseverance that I know you have will push you to the other side of this. Hugs from afar.

    Like

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