focusing

Why must we be so distracted? I’d much rather.      Notice. Listen. Attune.

Instead we fall asleep. Or fall down. Distracted by the noise and the costumes and the bright lights. Dis-tract from dis-ease.

I’d much rather notice the individual instruments that complement a composition and learn the tune. Embrace the lush fabrics that tangle up possibilities, wrapping intentions in slick silken velvet. Bear witness to my contribution. Wake up. Move on.  (If you haven’t read The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, do yourself a favor and find it. Open it to any page and what you find will be a new favorite something to ponder)

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Last night, my mom and I joined some beautiful souls and welcomed Solstice with a meditation and tarot reading. What fun we had noticing! With curiosity… what is my first impression? what symbols do I notice? what is happening? how do I feel? what is the story?

Inquiry… How is your fire?

Dreaming… For self-love. For health. For career. For abundance. For relationships. For superpowers. Then I wrote them all down, crumpled them all really tight, gently unraveled them, rolled them up, held them and made a wish. Then I set them on fire.

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Ideas that I’ve carried with me since transplant were transferred to that paper and then suddenly turned to ash. Lit up! During nearly every moment of my experience with HSCT, it seems I strive(d) to be so present. Curious. Grateful. Attuned. Yet, at 8 months post-transplant, reality has made it tough to be truly present among so many distractions. Play. Noise. Rest. Work. Exercise. Energy. Imbalance. Such a thrilling ride on the rollercoaster of recovery. Some moments I find myself climbing new heights (literally, walking up an unsteady, spongy foam wedge… which seemed beyond plausible until just a couple of weeks ago)… yet other times I find I need support more than ever.

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Walking with my trekking pole offers stability and opportunity to practice moving more fluidly, yet my mind (ego) convinces me not to use the trekking pole because I never used a walking aid pre-transplant… because I need to get stronger… because walking without support should force me to get there… My gut knows the trekking pole will better support my healing and creating new neural pathways (just as it knows that eating healthy organic foods will support rebuilding my new immune system) yet my spirit likes to forget. Especially when it gets busy. Or distracted.

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my past, present, and future

So, while I’ve been doing my best to express gratitude and recognize abundance, I’ve been focusing on three different work projects to complete reports before fiscal year-end, and am thrilled to report I have finally found time to schedule a few initial interviews for my latest project. So that I can focus more energy on what I love to do. Bring voice to our individual journeys, illuminate the invisible, connect through shared experiences, and advocate for an inclusive society. When the time comes to launch, I hope you’ll tune in to my podcast!

Until then, be kind. be luminous. be well.

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