before the sun even thought about rising, I spent time this morning reflecting on how HSCT has created such opportunity in my life and while I hope not to jinx anything, it seems that slight improvements are already occurring…

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that my own tendency to do everything I possibly can without asking for help has shifted. Clearly, I need help to fund this transplant, but to physically and mentally survive it as well… for all of the quality medical care, monetary donations, expanded network of friends and veteran HSCT’ers, family and emotional support, I am ever grateful for the overwhelming responses to my plea for help.

Because there are other noticeable shifts… in how my left arm can extend without resistance for the first time in seven years… or how my heels can rest without excruciating neuropathic pain while laying on my back. Or in how my legs might be able to move; rather than allowing the drop foot to dictate the swing of my left leg, my knee seems to remember that it has a part in walking. My muscles need strengthening to support that movement, so to the gym they went.

Maybe the “chemo-lite” dose knocked out some of the inflammation?

Maybe the daily neupogen injections will help my bone marrow generate the 2 million stem cells needed for harvest on Monday…

Maybe the next phase with four days of full-strength chemo really will knock multiple sclerosis out of my body…

Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself and I need to stay grounded in what is now. Water, love, light, nourishment. Maybe all I need to remember is that it’s a good thing to ask for help, because you never know what goodness you might find if you don’t ask.

be kind. be hopeful. be well.